On The Fear Of Approach

Approaching women gives you tremendous anxiety. You are fearful of the uninterested reaction, the awkward moments of silence and her cold rejection. As well you should be. Why is your shirt untucked and why in the world are you holding a beer?!

I was once in Seville on my way to Morocco and was sitting in a hotel lounge enjoying a 1995 Pingus that Alejandro Fernandez himself sent to me when he heard I was in Spain. I had done him a personal favor a few years back when he fell in love with a much younger peasant girl that worked on his vineyard. In any case here I was in this beautiful town sitting back and enjoying the wine as the thundering steps of the open air flamenco I had witnessed only an hour before were still pounding on my heart. It was then that I overheard an American woman order a disgusting martini with no attempt at the Spanish language. Her summer dress and accentuated shapes got the better of me and I quickly decided that I would sleep with her that night. I canceled her order and told the bartender she already had a drink. She was a bit taken aback but welcomed the mysteriousness that pulled her to me. I invited her to come sit and told her the story of my wine bottle to make her feel at ease. I never took my eyes off hers even as the seductive tannins of the Pingus were trying to pull me into another world. She informed me halfway through her glass that she was unusually curious as to where our encounter was going to lead. I smiled and ordered the incredibly rich and silky Manchego that had remained on my taste buds from the night before. When I offered her a bite she told me that she doesn’t eat cheese. You see, she was a vegan. I took her glass of wine away and told her coldly to leave. A few awkward minutes had to pass before she realized I was serious. And that is the only awkward silence I know with women: when I tell them to leave.

Don’t ever approach a woman in a loud environment because seduction is about softness, very few words and never repeating yourself. Approaching a woman should never be in getting her to like you. That is too much pressure and results in anxiety. Approaching a woman is about getting her interested in something outside of you. It is about teaching her about a certain wine she’s never had or a chocolate you’ve brought from far away. Never talk about things she cannot experience in that moment such as your trip to the south of France. It sounds pompous and it’s a turnoff. But the chocolate you brought from Brazil she can taste. You are selling a product to get her interested. There is no pressure on you. If she doesn’t get that the wine is delicious and goes well with your Brazilian chocolate then she simply doesn’t get it and most likely sucks in bed so you walk away smiling at her simplicity. She will soon follow to try to impress you.


Do: travel a little bit.

Don’t: go to a loud place to seduce.

Secret Weapon: teaching her something new.

Seduction Factor: you’ve been somewhere exotic and you can take her there through taste or touch.

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