On Neediness…

I often hear this from my patients: “Mr. Wolf, I find myself being needy when I have the luck of dating a very attractive woman. I want to be with her often and to feel her wanting to be with me just as much. As you can imagine this invariably leads to conflict and frustration.”

I‘ll start off by saying the same thing that I said to him that day. Don’t ever use the word ‘invariably’ with me. I had a near death experience due to an argument started in London on that very word while I was trying to enjoy a pipe at the local polo club. I had just finished fixing it with the tobacco I recently received as a gift from a Moroccan sheppard when an Englishman walked passed me saying “That will invariably kill you my dear sir.” He couldn’t help but pat me on my back in a friendly gesture. Or so he thought. His heavy hand had just destroyed the perfect fit of my new Galliano blazer. What happened next is for another chapter but suffice it to say that at one point he was holding an 1887 pistol to my temple and screaming his lungs out in my ear. His wife was mine by the end of the week.

Now getting back to being needy. The popular advice from your alpha male internet heroes seems to be the mastery of indifference. Give her the cold shoulder and you shall own her. This works on her psyche by lowering her self-worth and raising yours.  Oh you Alpha dog you! Look what you did to your rat looking girl. Now what happens next? She wants you even more and will soon devour you with the best moves she remembers from watching porn. Well congratulations! You just bagged an idiot. This type of girl is already codependent, looks like a dog and is often awkward in bed. I just described your girlfriend.

Yet let’s say that she’s not like that at all. Let us assume that she is attractive and great in bed. Your cold shoulder will most definitely arouse her if she’s used to constant attention. But the time will come when you will want to enjoy the fruits of your labor and go on a fantastic ride courtesy of your wound up girlfriend. Now you’re back on even ground and you’ve just proven to the back of her mind that you’re just like any other man. This back and forth process will soon tire her our and a wolf will come and take her away for good. One of the main reasons people leave their significant other is lack of affection. So if you’ve found a woman that you’re into, I don’t suggest setting her on the path of quiet dissatisfaction.

Let us get to the real crux of the story however. I tell all my women I am deeply and madly in love with them. I tell them they are the first I’ve ever felt like having kids with. I tell them I am crazy about them. I feign jealousy and possessiveness. I threaten them with a knife before I cry in their lap. And do you know why? Because I can. Because I only sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets and they know that. Because they’ve seen me order ostrich eggs topped with beluga caviar and punch a man in the face for using the word ‘invariably’. Because they’ve seen me explode out of nothing and be indifferent to everything. Because just as you want to be my friend, they want to be my lover. A woman gives herself fully to you only when she is in love. Not when she’s aroused, annoyed or teased. And she will fall in love when she’s seduced with mystery, adventure, darkness, along with promises of love and passion. This is what the art of seduction and sophistication is all about. It is about getting the woman of your dreams to give herself fully only to you. Chew on that as I pour myself a cognac.

Lesson

Do: tell her you’re falling in love with her

Don’t: be plain and predictable

Secret Weapon: being able to cry on command

Seduction Factor: the thin line between life and death

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